I was doing the dishes and congratulating myself on updating my blog when I thought of an idea for a post. I love lists. I want to post lists on my blog for my and hopefully other's amusement. So here is a list. But first some background...
If you're Mormon and you live in this corner of upstate NY you anxiously anticipate those couple of magical weeks in July when you can go out and experience the wondrous jewel that is the Hill Cumorah Pageant. It's a play based on the Book of Mormon, which we believe to be companion scripture to the Bible. It has a great stage on the side of a hill, a cast of several hundred people and it's just good wholesome fun. Pageant ended this past weekend, and so in honor of this year's performance (and our presence there last Tuesday night - if you want to see a picture then scroll down to the previous post) here is my first midweek blog list:
Things to know about the Hill Cumorah Pageant
1. No volcano this year.
2 The work crew doesn't take a bow
The costume department got rid of the concubine and Lamanite warrior costumes. No more scantily-clad teenagers with bad farmer tans greeting you before the performance.
3. Best pageant dialogue:
"Take him, bind him, burn him to death."
"I see I have a poisonous snake among my priestsssssssss...."
"Baptize me, Alma"
4. Things to take with you if your interest is piqued and you plan on going to next year's performance:
Umbrella
Licorice or swedish fish (and possibly money for the concession stands - ummmm, salt potatoes!)
Bug spray
BYU t-shirt
5. Tips for the protestors that always harrass the performance attendees on our way to our seats:
Thank you for not shouting during the show. Keep doing that.
Make sure there is always a guy in a devil suit.
Vary your inflammatory sign colors - they just blend together if they're all bright yellow, and then the insults don't have the same impact.
You need more bullhorns and maybe a few chants/raps. Costumes, anyone?
If you're trying to start fights then you need to be more verbose. Try using, "Hey fatty." or "Excuse me, brood mare...(especially effective for families with several children). Lets ramp up the insults here.
Have a fabulous Tuesday!
6 comments:
Oh man! This was AWESOME!! You know, I can't wait until all your kids are in school and you have more time to post because you are just awesome!
And, you said "pageant", not "the pageant". You New Yorkers crack me up! (See my post today.)
I love your tips for the protesters.
Brood mare--awesome derogatory taunt!
Love the protesting tips!
Thanks for the update on the changes on Pageant. I think it's going to be a while before we see it again.
You kill me! I love the constructive critism for the anti's. Thanks for the list-I appreciate it.
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